Shadow Boxing: Queen of The Damned

Welcome Tenants! 

    It's been about 2 months since I've blogged and honestly I needed that time to myself. I've been in seclusion. It was definitely a challenge for someone as social as I am. I have three shows a week on social media and I also run this store remotely. So imagine the hurt and aguish I've experienced, just by God sitting me down for a bit. I alway feel like, "If I don't do it, it won't get done..." Oh, but GOD! God is has the MASTER PLAN and the FINAL SAY! So let's breakdown this journey to enlightenment! 

 Embracing The Shadow

   When I think about embracing my shadow self I think about a time I was walking in City Park in New Orleans late at night. I was with my step mom and my baby cousin. While walking to the car, my cousin, who was around three years old, started screaming and running! My stepmom and I were so confused. When we caught up to her we asked what was wrong. She couldn't effectively communicate her fears. She just kept jumping and pointing. It took a minute or so for us to realize she was pointing at her shadow on the ground- it was following her. 

   Now that may seem hilarious. I was tickled and laughed all the way to the car, but thinking about my journey these last two months, I too was afraid of my shadow. I too was trying to run and hide. Let me tell you know, there is no where to run or hide. 

   When I was 10-years-old I experienced my first Spiritual Awakening. I was lying on the sofa sleep. I just so happened to open my eyes and I saw "The Shadow Man" walking down my steps headed straight towards me. I tried to get up and run but I couldn't move. I tried to scream, but nothing came out. Some call it "The Devil Riding Your Back" or "The Witch Riding Your Back". In the Spiritual Community we believe The Shadow Man is there to facilitate your Astral Projection Mission. I feel he's there in case your spirit doesn't make it back in time from that mission. 

   Then around 14-years-old the "prophetic dreams" started. All of this was so scary to me. Imagine being a small kid and you have a dream about something and the next day you see it. It's not as cool as "That's so Raven" made it seem. So many thoughts consume you. "Am I causing this?" "Am I being given these messages so that I can go out and stop bad things from happening?" It can keep you up at night whether you're a kid or an adult! Needless to say, I began praying it away. 

   At around 16-years-old I began to find the dreams intriguing and felt special to have them, but the indoctrination of being in the church had me straddling the fence about what was good and evil. That's the drawback of the religious sector, believing you can only have one type of relationship with God and only one way to connect and worship. There's no ONE WAY to have your own personal relationship with THE MOST HIGH! 

   In my mid 20's I started embracing my gift again, only to become distracted by the rat race of making money and working on my career, aside from bullshitting like a to of us did in our 20's. I was still running, but it was Christmas of 2013 when I realized I could run, but couldn't hide. I was in a near fatal car accident that prompted my "Dark Night of The Soul" and catapulted me into my first awakening! I guess that's why they say, "a hard head makes a soft ass". Yet, God still allowed me the space to do my own soul searching. Well, I'm here to tell you within the last two months of my absence, my Spirit Guides said God said "no more". You either step up and accept it and go full force or I'm going to drag your ass to hell. Haha! God wasn't that harsh about it, but the message hit me hard. 

Queen of The Damned 

   After much Soul Searching I realized I was "The Queen of The Damned"...

   Unlike the movie, these vampires around me were not sucking blood, but were draining my energy. It was family, it was clients, it was my audience I love so dearly so I didn't think anything of it. But they were "bleeding me dry". Then come to find out, many of them are sending me "Evil Eye". They were looking at my pictures and videos and "thinking and/or speaking evil and destruction" over my life. I'm serious. This is what God revealed to me before I was sent into seclusion, but "people can't destroy what they don't know about or don't see coming"! Never forget that. 

   Here I was, thinking I was bringing people out of the darkness and into the light. But they were afraid to enter the light for fear of the old them dying. The "Day Walkers" felt no need to change because they were content with being able to stand in my light without fully being of the light. God really needed me to understand this before I could go to my next blessed place. Why? Because I was holding on too tight to the things I couldn't take with me. Unfortunately, while holding on to the and not wanting to let them go, I was not elevating. I was being weighed down. That's when I realized I had not yet become this Shaman and Spiritual Leader that I thought I was. I was THE QUEEN OF THE DAMNED! 

   It brings me great pleasure to let you know I have shedded that layer. How did I do it? God did it actually! This whole summer I've been in seclusion, but the demons and vampires sought me out. They came for me. God slayed them!

 Family and Friends 

   This new awakening has totally changed the dynamic of my friends and family, but not without shit hitting the fan first. It had to get worse before it got better because God wanted me to understand the severity of the issues at hand. 

   It all started when a young man in my family, who I bailed out of jail last year on an attempted armed robbery charge, got into trouble again and allegedly killed someone. It took a lot out of me. As an activist I believe in jail funds and bailing our people out because "cash bonds" are the main way the system keeps a hold on us. But I never considered that when our people get home they basically go back into the same environments.We fail our community when we don't have positive and productive things in place for our children. His birthday is today and he's finally 18, but he's on the run from the law. It saddens my heart and when he called to tell me it had me up all night. I did the only thing I could do, called his mom and told her I'm here if she needs anything. About a week later at 1:45am, his mom, my aunt who is in her 40s, called me drunk and high. That's how my family chooses to cope instead of seeking out real help.

   She started the convo by acting friendly and checking on my little brother. Then the conversation turned negative. She began to talk about my mom's crack addiction which lasted 20 years, but she's now been clean for almost 15 years so I'm not sure why that was brought up. Then she said my sister and I were doing Voodoo which is why her life is in shambles and our dad is receiving good news about leaving prison after 30 years! She even said my sister and I sold her son's soul to the devil for our father's freedom. Smh. When she realized the shit she was saying wasn't hurting me , this chick, my 42 year old aunt, called me ugly and said I have a scar on my face (from a near fatal car accident) and I have a gap in my teeth (the same one she had until 10th grade.) I could't believe it. She'd finally cracked and couldn't pretend to be an ally any longer. She had to show her jealousy and hatred.

   Unbeknownst to her, God had already revealed to me the people who were doing "dark magic" in attempt to stop my money and my love life. She was one of them. She may feel special, but she's one of many! And STILL... I RISE! So while she was preparing to attack I was already protected.  So while she's telling people I'm doing Voodoo on her, in all actuality I did a protection spell on myself which is why everything anyone sends my way always backfires and blows up in their faces! Haha! One thing about me, I may have run from my calling and sometimes even run from the light, but I'm powerful beyond measure with this shit and that's something I don't have to second guess. Before you try me, ask your Spirit Guides about me. I don't think this is a battle you all want. But she thought she did...

   I don't know why these people prefer to take street drugs instead of the medication prescribed to them for their mental illness. She proceeded to curse me out and call me everything, but a child of God. She said nasty things about my unborn children and even tried to speak evil over my blessed womb. Not realizing there are many reasons I haven't had any children yet, one of the main reasons being the family I come from. But that's not what made me remove her from my life. 

   She began to bring up the abuse my siblings endured at the hands of her father, the same father responsible for her trauma. She laughed at it and said she should thank her father for abusing us and she should thank our mom for abandoning us. That hurt me a lot because a few weeks earlier I'd just cut off my grandmother, her mom, for telling my niece we were whipped 2-3 times as if she didn't know it was everyday FOR YEARS! It wasn't just whippings here and there to chastise us. We were his literal punching bags every time he was upset. The 2-3 times she remembers were the times were almost died or the police had to be called. So to hear her daughter gloat about my childhood trauma as an attempt to discredit my success today, it let me know I was done with that side of my family. No one has ever apologized to us for the things we endured as children. They've never even tried to make amends. They just expected us to forgive and forget, like so many families do. I've tried that. I've even tried to be the bigger person and love them past the pain. Never again will I try. I've decided that the only way I can heal is to detach myself from the environment and the people who made me sick in the first place. So now they're dead to me. 

   IF that wasn't bad enough, the little cousin I mentioned earlier who was 2 years old in City Park running from her shadow is now 14 years old and has been in and out of foster care her whole life. My family has never let a child go to foster care, yet this child's mother did. She's been in foster care for about 6 years. The Department of Family and Children Services just dropped her off on my doorstep one day after she was kicked out of another group home. I've been fighting for this moment for far too many years, but I can't lie, at one point I'd sort of given up and moved on with my life. So to have this open up for me now has been very overwhelming, especially because so much irreparable damage has been done to the child in foster care and mental institutions. So now I'm battling with removing myself from my family, yet still trying to save this child. I know God would never put more on me than I can bear. Please send a prayer up. 

Career and Work

   Everything about me has been changing, even the way I show up for my work and my craft. I used to just get up and go for it. Now I'm more patient and have been attempting to delegate more. I'm also being called to do more spiritual work as my career. You all know I'm an author, stock broker, I have a summer camp, I have 3 educational segments on social media, a trucking company and more! God said, "WE DO NOT CARE"! If I'm not living and working for the higher goal, I'm out of line. There's one thing you should know about me --- I never want to be where God isn't! Do with that what you will. So in all things I'm working to keep God first. 

Queen of Wands

   My main goal now is to continue healing. While all hell was breaking loose on one side, a new world was being built on the other side. My businesses are at their height right now. I have new contracts and new products! I now have two homes, one on the West Coast and one in The South. I'm back in production of shows and they are better than ever. My little cousin who was formerly in foster care is home and coming along nicely. My husband and I are closer than ever and more excited to actually start our family. 

   This all has been a result of me just working with my Shadow Self. I've come out of the darkness and into the light. No more vampires and demons lurking around me. I'm FREE! I feel like a weight has been lifted and my life has really opened up! So please be encouraged. Not everyone around you is in your corner, some are just on the sidelines watching and praying for your downfall. But when God is for you it doesn't matter who is against you. YOU WILL WIN! 

   I would like to thank my husband because God sent him right on time and has shown me he was Divinely sent to help me in this next phase of my life. If he was not divinely sent I'm sure he would have run for the hills by now with all this bullshit. I'm so grateful! Trust God! 

   I've stepped up into the my rightful position as The Queen of Wands. 

   The Queen of Wands reminds you that you are upbeat, courageous, and determined. You are here to see through your creative visions and life purpose, even in the face of adversity and challenge. Highly self-actualised and self-aware, you know how to best channel your strengths and weaknesses to achieve your goals. You are optimistic and full of ideas to share with others. You know what you want and how to get it, and are masterful at engaging with others to achieve your goals. Stay fiercely determined and focused on your goals while being friendly and optimistic with those around you.

   The Queen of Wands asks you to be bold in your undertakings and actions. Don’t be afraid to own your real power and put it out into the world. You have so much to offer – so shine your light bright! Believe in yourself and what you stand for, and don't be afraid to speak up and be heard. No one will silence you.

   Finally, the Queen of Wands encourages you to get to know your shadow self, the lesser-known and sometimes darker side of who you really are. This doesn’t necessarily need to be a negative aspect of yourself, but could be something that most people don’t know about you… yet! It may be your dark sense of humor, a secret life from your past, or a passion project you’ve kept hidden away. While you may want to protect this part of yourself, the Queen of Wands encourages you to express this side more openly with others – don’t be afraid to show your shadow now and then. It will enable you to connect with others on a deeper level.

Be Blessed...

And Remember... Miracles Are Normal!