Shadow Work: Welcome To The Dark Side

Doing "Shadow Work" is often misconstrued as in doing "dark magic" or evil spells or the conjuring of malevolent powers! And figuratively speaking that's exactly what it is... BUT YOU'RE DISPELLING THE EVIL FROM WITHIN! 

We all have a DARK SIDE! What I mean by that is... we all have "shadowy aspects" of our personalities and our lives that we do not show others and often times don't even acknowledge consciously. But subconsciously they acknowledge us and make their presence known in many different ways!

The shadow self is born in our childhoods! It starts around the time when everyone decides who you are, how you should act, and began to shun anything outside the societal norm. We began to suppress emotions and hide our thoughts. Not to mention those who endure and suppress childhood traumas like physical, psychological, or sexual abuse. The side of us that is reject and neglected becomes our shadow self. That's why shadow work often leads us to therapy then becomes therapeutic.

For example, many men have a hard time expressing their feelings because they were told in childhood it was not "manly" to cry or emotion. In the same manner many women are taught to "suffer in silence" because "women should be seen and not heard". It's not lady-like to speak your mind so boldly or ridicule patriarchal standards. 

Sometimes it's the smallest things that have the greatest impact on one's life! The Shadow Self grows every time you repress it!  Shadow Work is not at all about hurting someone else. It's about addressing the side of ourselves that keeps us trapped in cycles of trauma and drama. 

Here's My Story 

Photo: @JaeEveryDae

Almost 3 years ago I was called to address my shadow self. It was a normal night, I woke up around 3:45am. The hours of 3 am to 4 am are often considered demon time, or the witching hours because that's believed to be the best time for supernatural events to take place. Witches and Spirits are believed to appear and be most powerful during this time. Mystics do their best magic during these times hence seances right before sunrise. 

My Ancestors came to sit with me because I'd come to a crossroads on my spiritual journey. It was time to level up, but subconsciously I was blocking it. Why? Well, you can't forget I'm a 5th generation Shaman and High Priestess! I've seen some things and I've heard some stories! Let's just say, one too many people on my bloodline have sold their souls to the devil or just lived a life of darkness due to over stepping their boundaries in the magical world. I never want to take it that far. I'm not a "Blood Magic" type of mystic. I lay offerings, but no blood sacrifices. That's another level that I don't desire to partake in. So at times I've scared myself out of elevation! 

I was being called address my shadow self, but I kept thinking my shadow self was this Voodoo Queen who brings wrath and hexes. I love trance dancing so I'm very familiar with your body being over taken by energy, but not ENTITIES! I've just been so afraid to make the mistakes of ancestors past like... Get to caught up in your own power to the point that you think you're equal to the HIGHEST POWER! I already battle EGO and a "God-Complex" in the 3D. I don't want to get fucked up in the 5D! 

But one day I decided to just go for it! Accept my Shadow Self and whatever comes with it, even if it gets out of control. To my surprise, I had a reading done about discovering my shadow attributes and they described me "To The T"! I'm sitting there like... So I'M THE FUCKING SHADOW!?! I kid you not, my shadow self is loud and aggressive, egotistical, critical, a know it all, defensive, and some more shit! I couldn't believe it! The whole time I'd been afraid to face the person I see in the mirror everyday. 

"When we deny an aspect of ourselves it doesn’t disappear. It just fades away from our conscious awareness. The shadow — with a life of its own — can affect our actions and life experiences heavily if we don’t pay attention to it."

"We become adults and feel we should be able to handle life better, yet we keep falling into the same unhealthy patterns. That’s because the shadow operates outside of our conscious awareness, in the form of unconscious and limiting beliefs." ~ Kimberly Fosu 

And to be honest with you... I was happy it wasn't worse, but I was disappointed to know I'm not walking in my light as much as I thought! I'm out of balance and the shadow is winning! 

 This revelation startled me and I kind of lived in shame for about a week until a chance conversation with an old friend. I admitted I'd just found out I'm living in my own shadow and I, the one with all the answers, didn't know what to do. He quieted my unsettled spirit with a simple phrase, "Your shadow self is just who you created to protect yourself, but you're safe now... you can let go!" 

Instantly, tears began to fall from my eyes. Look at the photo above. That's me! I am but a simple woman constantly battling with protecting and projecting my inner child all while taming my inner beast! At the end of the day, they come together and play. For a long time I've been afraid to admit it. That was holding me back. 

My inner child still believes in humanity and thinks we're going to save the world. My shadow animal said FUCK THE WORLD a long time ago. I don't believe in people or change like I used to. I'm sad to say it. I used to be a "We" type of person now I'm a "Me" type of person and that has come from traumatic experiences. Every time you repress the emotions the shadow grows. Don't forget that. I got tired of people being in secret competition with me and being mad cause they still losing. Now I'm loud about being petty and competitive. And often times you hear this animal when I say things like, "I'll eat your face!" or "I'll devour anything in my path!" Yes! Ladies, this is what happens when your feminine energy is out of balance and tilting masculine. Healing is required!

The shadow is an inner fragmentation that occurs within you. It’s almost like two different people are operating your life.

Have you ever met the most gentle, sweetest, and kind person, and in the blink of an eye something happens, and this person turns into someone else? They become mean and scary; they throw the biggest tantrum or freak out.

How did this sweet person turn into a crazy psycho?

That’s because they have two parts of themselves operating their life and the shadow part took over when they got triggered. We often underestimate the shadow, thinking it has no power over us. But that’s wrong. The shadow is very powerful! [Excerpt From: "Transcending Darkness" Medium.com]

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Lately I've been doing the necessary work because I really want to know what my higher self looks like. She's calling me. To think, the whole time I was scared to address my shadow side because I was afraid of what would become of me. In all actuality I should have been afraid to find out what I've become. 

At times I've been afraid to lose my Shadow Self. Wouldn't that leave me out here vulnerable? That's when the issue of setting healthy boundaries was identified! I'm also learning that if I always have to be the bigger person, maybe I shouldn't be around such small people. So where I used to fear the separation required for elevation, I now welcome it. 

I'm well deserving of some time to myself... My Shadow Self would agree... 

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